Nobody Is Perfect
I read this quote the other day that said “before you pick your life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things , including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times” that is some deep shit. This feels weird even talking or putting my marriage into words. I have seen (keyword seen doesn’t mean they were talking to me) plenty of cute guys some damn good looking and some damn ugly ones. But honest to goodness the moment I saw Q my heart might have stopped for a second. I have never been one for looks I have always liked someone based on personality (looks fade people, damn Q for that not being the case but still!) so him being good looking was icing on the cake but him just him face covered could have won me over. He was confident but not cocky, he was giving but not a sucker, he was funny, and he was sweet but not a pussy. Number one thing that sold me on him (again dating and a single mom) was meeting his family and that he had a good family because that will say a lot about a person. I think our whole first year of dating we argued maybe once….. But reminder to folks that is the honeymoon phase. We also started dating in December 2012 and got married/had babies by 2014. We moved quick and I would not change a single thing about that!
People I think go into marriage believing I have a partner we love each other so much so what could be the hard part……….? Work my friends marriage takes work and fighting, fighting is inevitable.
Football is obviously is a big part of our lives, it is what keeps the lights on. But it also takes my husband the man I fell in love with away. From August until January/February I do not get all of him, I get pieces I get a watered down version of him. Football is so demanding he has to put his heart, mind, body, and soul into it otherwise he could be out of a job tomorrow. He worked this year 17 weeks straight (could be longer if you make the playoffs and super bowl). This is not to whine because I love how hard he works, I love that he has gotten to live out his dream, and make a good life for our family. But it is hard. I get his attention for such small snippets that I literally crave more. Every time he had an off day on a Tuesday I truly treasured every second of it because the rest of the week I wouldn't get him. 17 weeks of him leaving at 6am and coming home at 6pm. 17 weeks of traveling every week or sometimes every other week for a day sometimes 3-5 days. IT IS A LOT.
I am someone who needs to be thought about (attention is the word but attention from my husband, I hateeee being the center of attention for anything other than my husband). That is one of my love languages, just to be thought about and it can instantly make my heart happy. Buy me a million gifts and I would return them in a second if I could have your time and attention. See how football and my love language need could get in the way? (That is where communication and thank god for technology come in handy.) It is something on A DAILY BASIS me and my husband work at is communication. And I read some other quote the other day too that talked about CONSIDERATION so that has reframed a lot of how we have our discussions. Because communication is great and all but are you considering what the other person is saying?! Communication could literally be both of you talking and not active listening to what the other is saying. I want to be considered when you’re making a decision, I want to be considered if you decide to stay out later with your friends, I want to be considered in how can I help my wife around the house today. Because here is the flip side of him working for 17 weeks, I have also been working for 17 weeks.
This might scream ALL ABOUT ME so selfish. But those 17 weeks I took the load on so it could be all about him so he could focus on his job, so yes now I want to be considered because football does not allow that to happen.
I have been up with kids by myself, I have cooked for 17 weeks (ok ordered food about half of those weeks), I have been doing laundry for 17 weeks, I have stayed up late with sick kids for 17 weeks, I have been thrown up on, I have worked out ZERO times, I did drop offs and pickups for 17 weeks, I have bathed for probably only 10 of those weeks, I have woken up early and went to bed late for 17 weeks. So yes my husband put his heart, body, mind, and soul into his job for 17 weeks but SO HAVE I. I may not have the points on the scoreboard to show it, I definitely do not have the muscles to show it but you know what we have FOUR happy healthy kids who do show the hard work we put in together.
The season ends and I believe it gets hard for players to transition back into family life again. They work off of a schedule be here this time and do this at this time. Family life is unorganized chaos (at least in this house). And sometimes I have to have a reality check with my husband you are back in the real world with just us regular people that there will not be someone here waiting on you hand and foot. Your job stopped but mine it did not and that laundry and those dishes it won’t get done by itself. So are we considering each other? No not at the moment but that is ok. This is just another season we are in marriage has its cracks and creaks, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. We aren’t down but we are just trying to get back into civilian life, having him transition from football to full-time family life. You literally are learning how to be around each other again.
I think the one thing I always have to remember is first NOBODY IS PERFECT and sometimes just like he needs a reality check, I need one too. We work at this constantly and every single day. But at the end of the day we still love spending time together, eating together, and traveling together. And I hope to still be looking at each others faces into retirement and hearing about each others day for 18,001 times. Even on the days we absolutely cannot stand each other I would still always pick him.
